Halloween 101: How to completely ruin a dress, talk with a British accent and have a great time

Happy (belated) Halloween!

in the supermarket!
(warning – this post is filled with crappy phone pics because it is a lot easier to sneak a photo of pumpkins with a phone then hauling out the camera and get weird suspicious looks from fellow grocery shoppers…plus my camera died)

Step 1: Decide what you want to be for Halloween. Any costume involving a dress would be great (seeing as you need a dress to ruin for this project). I went with a lovely beige number as part of a fairy costume.

I know, I know…how can she ruin this?? you must be thinking…

Step 2: Get your friend to buy you spray paint because you’re too lazy to look for dye and she’s really nice.

Step 3: Ignore people’s “why are you going to spray paint that? It’s so pretty!”. Retaliate with a “do you ever see me in beige?” (which is a fair question, albeit a lame argument).

Step 4: Find an empty patch of dirt and spray. Ombre effects look awesome and create the temporary illusion that this dress will later be wearable. Marvel while it dries, before reality sinks in.

after spray painting

Step 5: Come to your senses. Spray painting a dress is stupid and makes it stiff and you could probably get high off the fumes from your closet. If you feel a certain attachment to the dress however,ย  you can always try and soak it in detergent (because we all know that detergent is fantastic at removing spray paint – not really.) Time for plan B.

Step 6: Wear a lace dress from your closet, make a crown of flowers and some wings from wire and a cheap scarf. And voila! You’re a fairy! – complete with an unwearable spray painted dress and a smelly closet (definitely the best type of fairies).

But we all know that you’re not a true fairy without a British accent.

moi

Step 7: Meet your friend’s friends who all have really cool accents and are dressed like dead things and suppress the desire to change your speech and say things like “bloody hell” and “blimey”.

muhahahahahah

Step 8: Play random drinking drinks and later you will learn to embrace that desire to try a British accent. You will fail horribly but continue.

Step 9: Spend the night going from bar to bar, club to club, meeting random people, some zombies, bees, clowns, devils, hula girls and dead pumpkins. After all, the theme of the night is trick or chupito, am I right?? ๐Ÿ˜‰ (chupitos are shots btw)

So Death and a Clown walk into a bar…


Step 10: Go home and tweet something like this: Going to bed with Styrofoam in my hair, makeup on, one eye open, an upset stomach and only one earring. !

(optional but highly recommended – Step 11: watch Frankenweenie the next day in Spanish. Laugh, smile and forever be afraid of resurrected dogs.)

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