"…now already, and forever, never was…"

I’m sitting on my bed, pondering. That’s what people do right? They ponder? When they want to think about and examine and contemplate and be hypothetical; pose questions and come up with answers, possible and not possible, all at the same time?

Ponder.

I guess what I’m pondering about is the future. If you’re familiar with the inner workings of my mind, this would be of absolutely no shock to you. It’s something I do on a daily basis and perhaps should stop doing because it doesn’t often end well. Usually I come to some grand, generalized, somewhat dystopian conclusion about the horrible fate that awaits me in the days, months, years to come. Most days my mind equates the future with negativity and failure.It is something I am trying to change, slowly.

FYI, my neck hurts. I spent about 2 hours lying on a bed playing cellphone games above my head, while my brother tried to explain why Lil B is the BasedGod and who Bruno Caboclo is. I’m still fairly confused about Lil B but out of fear for turning into Kevin Durant I shall keep my opinions to myself. I wish Bruno all the best in his quest to learn English.

Am I still pondering? Yea. Right now about this blog. This oh so confusing blog that is angry one minute, happy the next. Consistent and then sparse. Desired and then the biggest chore in the world. Oh what to do, what to do…

Perhaps I need to challenge myself. I’m not good at challenges but I could try to make an exception I suppose? If not for the lone reader of this blog, then for me. There is not much happening in my life right now, but perhaps instead of just sitting around, letting the many effects of depression seep into every aspect of my life, I could do something about it? I put all these statements as questions because inside, I really am having a conversation with myself. But if something declarative is what I need then by golly, YES. I SHALL DO SOMETHING. There. That sounds concrete.

Every other day at least, I think should be a good time to write a post. Consistency, as I’m sure someone somewhere once said, is what makes the world go round. I should act before it’s “now already, and forever, never was.” If that makes sense…

Still pondering,

♥ Sarrah

title: Welcome to Nightvale Podcast, Episode 21 “A Memory of Europe”

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