here we go again

Back to the grind. Or rather, back to the lack of grind. There is a not-so-surprising lack of hustle that has reentered my life and brought me back to a post mid-August phase. Post mid-august wasn’t the best of times and this mid-October phase isn’t the best of times either. I’m back to old habits which aren’t particularly productive or helpful or beneficial to me in any way. It’s kinda like a slow downward spiral that has started turning again – albeit not as fast as previously, but the spiral is definitely moving.

I don’t know about other people with depression and/or anxiety, but I’ve definitely come to realize that I go through phases. If you could see the unpublished blog post I wrote about 20 days ago about what a good month September was compared to what I’m writing now, you would definitely notice the change. But what is perhaps best, is that the down periods don’t feel as down as they use too. Sure I didn’t leave the house Saturday to go to a job where I could have made 200 bucks cash for standing outside directing people for a few hours because, well it just wasn’t happening, but the next day I felt a whole lot better and calmer and less stressed. I was exhausted and tired and frustrated and all of that leads to some erratic, irritating, impatient behavior that is sometimes unavoidable. But I got through it. Perhaps not the greatest example, but meh, it works.
Right now school is kinda bugging me. Kinda = more than it really should. I have a special talent for making a mountain out of a mole hill and then attacking that mountain fruitlessly with a feather duster, if that makes any sense. I’m trying to sort out all my issues, because Lord knows I need to be done with school. I need to say hasta la vista to Spanish and bon soir to French because I’ve had it with the both of them. Graduation day shall be a day where I do a little happy dance and thank the academic gods for getting me through. But until then, I’m still attacking that mountain.
Rambling post over. Enjoy some pictures of my recent apple picking trip at Chudleigh’s Farm in Milton, because, well, apples are life and the best part of my days.

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